watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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