Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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