What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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