We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
