Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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