I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
