Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
vagina is talking i cant
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
