And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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