found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
