Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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