apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
