I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
