The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize