Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
