the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
