I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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