Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
this just has baby written all over it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize