Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
