Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
