Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
