Cold hands, warm shart.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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