I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
