our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize