oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The maid of honor just puked.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
