I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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