Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't deserve a penis
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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