why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
