i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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