Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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