Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
