she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
