I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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