I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
