i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
