pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
