I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
