I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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