oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize