her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
