note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize