so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize