How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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