happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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