You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
