I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize