I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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