He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
