If i come over, it means nothing
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
