I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
