Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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