what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
