so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
