Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
