u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
