Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
