you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
