Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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