Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
