I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
