unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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