using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
