dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
