Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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