Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
