Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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