Little spoons don't ask big questions
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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