He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
