Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
