Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
